PLOT TWIST!! My shock of the week.

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August 16, 2013 by crazymadliving

I had planned to dedicated today’s blog post about my newfound swimming skillz, and was looking for a pic from last night’s swim session to post online.

And then I found the pic.  I gasped.  Then I cried a little (but only on the inside).  And then I told my boss that I was having a chocolate moment, which was his cue to get me a piece of chocolate from his super-secret stash and carefully – as not to provoke any rabid-dog-like reaction from me – place my mood stabilizer of choice next to my laptop.


It actually started yesterday, when after two hours on my spinning bike and 30 minutes on the AlterG treadmill at Velocity Sports Lab, I decided to hop onto the scale.  I gasped.  Then cried a little in the car on the way home.

The last time I weighed that much was the morning when I was booked into hospital to give birth to my daughter.

The scale must be about 5kg out. Obviously.  And I forgot to take off my shoes and the leg brace.  See? Right there… another 5kg.

But the pic this morning didn’t lie.  I looked like a green-capped manatee.

What to dooooooooooooo?

Here’s the thing.  I need a new plan.  Yeah yeah, I know I’ve said so a few times before (mostly on Fridays or after seeing pics of myself), but this shit’s for real now.

But how do I do it without depriving myself??  I don’t do quick fixes and I hate saying (and hearing people say), “no, sorry, I’m now allowed to eat this on my diet.”

Well, for one, I will dedicate this weekend to revisiting my eating habits.  In my case, the problem isn’t with breakfast or supper – we actually eat very healthily as a family – but rather what happens in between.

What will I eat? Vegan vs Vegetarian vs Paleo vs Dukan vs The Latest Fad

I was vegetarian for a while, and then I went full vegan.  Not because I care about the lambs and the fishies, but because I experienced, first-hand, the amazing benefits of living on a plant-based diet.

But then we went to Namibia for a month and I had to choose between oryx steak or going hungry, and since then I have slowly started eating more meat.  Which was, in hindsight, a big mistake.

During this time, my social media timeline also started crawling with Paleo advocates and Tim Noakes disciples (high-fat, low carb diet), while some of my friends decided to lose weight on the Dukan diet.

However, I can’t & won’t sign up to these diets – or to the online support programmes that support them.

  • Fact:  Meat doesn’t work for me.  Fish, yes.  Eating meat and chicken makes my joints ache.
  • Fact:  Dairy inhibits my nutrient intake and gives me a rash.  Yes, I know that while I stuff my face with chocolate. So I should really be making different choices around anything containing dairy.
  • Fact:  I’m an emotional eater.  Whether I’m stressed and upset or happy and in the mood to celebrate… I like food.
  • Fact:  I’m a chocoholic.  I eat a slab of chocolate like a kit kat.
  • Fact:  I still have a family, and with the food prices the way they are, I need to do something that will be suitable and affordable for everyone, not just me.  Also, I don’t want my kids – especially my daughter – hear me say that I’m on a diet.  It needs to be a collective lifestyle.  Which also means that I can’t openly lament my current state of body, even when my son likes “making ventriloquism with mom’s belly button”.

From where I’m sitting, I see my only option is to adopt a wholefood approach, cutting out all processed foods and finding a different outlet for my current work frustrations.

Anyway, I have a weekend to figure it out.

Bottom line:  I look crap, I feel crap, and I need to make a change.  Now.  The picture from last night’s swim session told me so.

And this little saying can no longer apply to me…




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Getting my #comedy on at @nomadbistrobar with @fazielahwilliams and #breakfast in bed. ❤ It's @heidimeetsworld's 11th birthday today. Guess I need to introduce her to @itsdarcilynne. #birthday #ladiesofmagic #ventriloquist Courgette & broccoli rösti, topped with boiled egg and bacon strips. Husband AND kid approved.

#selfhighfive #paleo #lowcarb #foodporn #homecooking #whatsfordinner #spring #foodrevolution Had @dalinoliver on my mind as I woke up this morning. Do yourself a favour and go see his #FaceForRadio at @baxtertheatre. He is HILARIOUS, and may even give you a snack if you're in the front row.
#localislekker #theatre #capetown #laugh What an awesome evening in the company of fellow ladies of magic. #femalemagician My lifelong quest for the best lemon meringue (apart from my own) has ended. #darios in #houtbay

Thank goodness for new clients introducing you to new places. Mmmmm #pizza, in mah belleh!! How amazing is the food at the @capetowncomedy club?!? #tweetseats #ctcomedy #lovecapetown About to pop my @capetowncomedy club cherry. Thanks for the #tweetseats invite ❤❤ Super amped to see the show.

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